What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married
- Serena Koh
- Jul 30
- 2 min read
Growing up as girls, it's assumed that after graduating, we'd find a good job, get married and have children. In that order.
So I too assumed that once I got married, it'll all be on an auto-pilot mode.
What I wished someone would've told me about marriage was that it takes work to stay happily married.
I thought my husband and I were happy. We hardly fought.
I thought my only contribution to the marriage was to be a good modern-day wife.
To me, that's to cook well, entertain his family and friends well, and to be good under the sack.
I hardly hung out with my girlfriends without him, as they did the same too. I figured this must be the life of a married woman, while our husbands continued to entertain clients on weeknights.
Until I found out that my husband's definition of marriage is to come home to a hot meal after continuing to date other women.
On hindsight now, I realised that not having big fights as a couple is not a good thing.
Before I married my second husband, we had to have a pre-marital session with our pastor. One of the first questions our pastor asked was if we've had our big fight yet.
If our answer was 'no', he'd strongly suggest we not get married yet.
Surviving a big fight is important. It doesn't matter what the fight was about.
If we're able to go from fantasising about strangling each other (ok, maybe that's just me) to accepting each other's differences, and finally making a decision to love each other again in spite of everything, that's love.
My first husband and I also didn't have very intimate conversations.
I think the most intimate conversation we had was what he'd like me to do for him in bed. That's really just pillow talk.
Above all these, what I really wish I knew before I got married?
We’ve been sold the very logical idea that we should find someone we can live with for the rest of our lives.
My first husband checked all the boxes. But look where that got us.
On the contrary, my second husband and I look like an odd couple. We’re so different on so many levels.
Less than a year into our relationship, we almost wanted to break up. It seemed like a reasonable thing to do, considering we had almost nothing in common.
But as I pondered over this possibility, my heart ached.
I realised I still wanted to be with him not because I could live with him for the rest of my life, but because I COULD NOT go on living WITHOUT him for the rest of my life!
So there you have it. Find someone you cannot live without, and that shall be your driving force to staying happily married.
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