Staying Married

I’ve romanticised marriage since I was a little girl.

This would seem peculiar because my parents were divorced since I was 2. I lived with my mum and probably had no positive fatherly role model, because he was a philanderer.

So like a typical textbook case study of a psychologist, the little girl grew up and eventually married a man who’s also a philanderer.

Of course I didn’t know that I married one. Until I did.

A psychologist would say it’s all in our subconscious mind how we’re attracted to potential partners who have attributes similar to our mums or dads, regardless of whether they’re on display or not.

So to cut a long story short, I wanted to give my ex a chance to save our marriage provided he gave up his philandering lifestyle but he refused. Apparently, his idea of a marriage is to have a happy family with a string of women he could date at his whim and fancy.

By God’s grace, I was given a second chance in marriage, and we’ve been married for over a decade now.

So what changed, and what were the lessons I learnt?

Spending Quality Time Alone Together

Just because we might be physically together everyday doesn’t mean we’re spending quality time.

It’s also not about going to a nice restaurant. It could be simply going for a walk and taking the time to have meaningful conversations.

It’s also about enjoying new experiences together.

Why? I find that this helps to remind ourselves that we’re each other’s best friend. We’re part of a 2-person team. We’ve got each other’s back. No matter what.

Building Laughable Memories

It’s like we’re in our own little secret society.

This of course, is completely un-orchestrated. That’s why we have to do enough of the above (spending quality time alone together), in order to get into a laughable situation by surprise that’ll eventually become an inside joke.

And believe me. These memories went a long way to growing our intimacy towards each other as well.

As the saying goes: A couple who laughs together, stays together. (10 Benefits of Couples Laughing Together in Relationships)

Let It Go

I’ve learnt to pick my battles. Or prioritise what’s more important to me.

It may not be about an issue. It could be about who to get what done.

So as long as it’s not a time-critical task, and even if I think I can do it better or faster, I’ll let him do it.

It’s about working together as a team.

Avoid Saying ‘No’ To Sex

We’ve heard that sex is not everything in a marriage, but it’s also not unimportant.

And nobody likes to be rejected in this aspect. Men or women.

I realised it took quite a few years to finally be ‘synchronised’ to each other on when’s the ideal time to do it.

So when either of us decide, for whatever reason, that our usually ideal time is not up for grabs this time, we try to drop hints earlier during the day.

In this way, neither of us would be rejecting the other.

This also doesn’t mean that we throw spontaneity out the window. For me, when this happens, I’ll ask myself this. Is doing this more important to him, or is whatever I’m planning to do instead more important to me?

I believe this is a display of respect to each other, because we understand that we’re each other’s only outlet for carnal release.

………………

Honestly, I wish I can expand on the above points. But I’m afraid my readers have abandoned this article by now. 😆

So if you’d like me to share some examples of what we really did, let me know ya. 😉

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” - Will Ferrell

---

If you’d like to support my work and buy me coffee 🍵, please go to this link ko-fi.com/serenakoh. This would greatly encourage me to continue writing and improving. 😉