Women Ageing Into Invisibility? But I’m Still Able to Get What I Want.

Katie Piper recently quoted "ageing can be compared to a bereavement".

I may not be an ex-model. But I definitely know what she’s talking about.

When I swapped my glasses for contact lenses at the age of 15, I noticed that the boys in my class started to pay attention to me.

Apart from the attention, nothing else changed because they knew I was still that nerdy girl deep down.

A noticeable change was felt only after I left secondary school (high school) and went on to a tertiary institute.

I realised guys seemed eager to talk to me. And because of that, it seemed easier to make new friends even though I’m an introvert.

So for the first few years of my young adult life, I had more male friends than female friends.

On the work front, I got noticed for my work without even making much of an effort. But I realised this could be a double-edged sword if my peers were women. So I had to also learn to watch my back.

Fast forward to present day, I’m now 51. I’ve had my ups and downs, but I have no regrets.

Sure, I’ve realised since I’ve past 45 that I don’t get men turning their heads for me anymore. (I’ll soak in the attention if I do when the moon is blue though 😎)

But when I do, I’m now confident that they’re showing interest due to my personality and not my looks.

In fact, because I’m still that dorky girl deep down, more women are attracted to me than before.

But when I recently read in quite a few articles about some women not getting the swift or great service they used to receive when they were younger, it made me wonder about this for myself. And the truth is, I don’t have this problem.

I’ve come to realise that beauty alone won’t get you noticed.

Even though I was brought up by my single mother and we didn’t have a lot of luxuries, my mum would always tell me that no matter how poor we were, we should always stay dignified.

So to me, looking sloppy does not equate to looking dignified. It means looking presentable and pleasant. I don’t have to look gorgeous or stunning. I just have to NOT look like people have to suppress a cringe when they’re talking to me.

I know I’ve been at the receiving end of this when I had to wonder if that man’s shirt is supposed to be sky-blue or a very light grey. And are those pants from the 90s?

No, I don’t get down to wearing full makeup with a blowout for making a trip to the supermarket. If friends around my neighbourhood ever catch me in the vicinity, they’ll most likely see me with my glasses, and a cap over a ponytail. I’d be makeup-free and still in a presentable-looking top and appropriate shorts (I live in a tropical country 🌴).

People who know me would say that I always dress well. Some might think I’m vain. But the truth is, my objective is simply to look dignified.

So when I look dignified and ask for something with a sincere smile from a service staff, people would pay more attention to me.

Like recently, I ordered my meal at a fast-food restaurant terminal. When I went to collect my order at the counter, I realised I had ordered the wrong drink. So with a very sincere smile and apologetic expression, I humbly asked the lady behind the counter if I could change my drink. She paused for a moment, then gave me the drink I wanted. I then thanked her very sincerely.

This was just one of the many other encounters I’ve had when I was able to still get what I wanted as an older woman. I didn’t have to beg for it. I just had to seek them out with a sincere smile and the right tone of voice.

When we look well put-together, we’d appear to be more cultured and reasonable. In that way, people would believe that we won’t take advantage of them and wouldn’t mind hearing us out if we’d like to negotiate for something.

What about you? What’s your secret to still getting what you want as an older woman?

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